Congratulations
by arghthecat
Summary: Dean knows that he can never have the things that he truly wants. It just never quite works out that way. But does he have in it him to be happy for his estranged childhood friend on the day of his wedding?


**A/N:** I'm a little torn about whether or not there will be a follow up chapter to this. I had intended to, but then my brain said no, this is how it has to be. So, as it stands it's a one shot.

* * *

"Dean, just…get dressed and come" Sam tries for the tenth time that day. Dean was being a stubborn ass, though deep down Sam couldn't really blame his brother for his sullen mood.

Dean takes a swig of his favorite whiskey straight up and looks up at his brother with glassy eyes. "Can't Sammy. Busy."

"Busy drowning yourself in a bottle Dean. I know Cas wants you there so why don't you just come?"

Dean lets out a derisive laugh at the thought that Cas actually wanted to be anywhere near him. He wouldn't be doing this if he really did. "Yeah, right" he says and tips the bottle back again.

"Look Dean, I know you don't want to hear it, but you're acting like a child. I don't know what happened between you two, but whatever it is needs to stop now. He's your _best friend_. That's gotta mean something." Dean was never one for talking things out and Sam didn't expect him to spill his guts. All he wanted was for his brother to be the bigger man this time. Just this once.

"_Was_ my best friend Sammy. Was. That ship sunk a long time ago and all I want to do today is fucking watch Dr. Sexy and sleep. Go by yourself." Dean gets up from his lounger and strides to the kitchen, not really looking for anything at all, but trying to end the conversation right then and there. He wasn't in the mood, especially not today of all days.

"_Fine_ Dean. Fine. Don't ask me how it went." With that, Sam heads towards the door, passes one fleeting glance towards his brother, then closes the door and leaves just as quietly as he came.

* * *

This was not your classic boy meets boy story. Not some cliché of someone falling in love with his best friend slowly, surely.

Although, it kind of was.

As much as Dean didn't want to admit it, it was exactly what it was. He'd been hooked from the beginning. From the first moment that Cas had walked into his first grade class, eyes too serious and piercing, Dean had known that he wanted the kid to be his friend. Wanted to share his Legos and never let another kid take Cas to birthday parties or play dates at the park.

Dean had been the first person to talk to Cas on that first day, he'd let him use his colored pencils, shared his pudding cup when he realized that all Cas had brought were vegetables, and sat next to him during story time. Needless to say, from that day on no one ever saw Dean and Cas anything but _Dean and Cas_. They were a package deal and one couldn't exist without the other.

They didn't grow apart like most childhood friends do. Middle school didn't change their friendship with new social expectations and the entire student body shunning Cas as the resident weirdo. Dean never left his friend's side and Cas was forever grateful. He didn't know if he'd have made it through those formative years without Dean close by.

High school passed in much the same fashion, although other friends were added into the fold. Though none of them could ever hope to be part of the 'awesome twosome' as Dean and Cas had so dubbed themselves back in 8th grade.

To Dean's surprise, high school girls went completely gaga over Cas' weird and nerdy routine. There was no shortage of freshman dropping pencils in front of his desk or asking for private tutoring sessions because they were _just so awful at Geometry._ Cas didn't take notice though. No matter how many times girls attempted to rub their svelte frames against Cas at every opportunity, he never once tried to actually have sex with any of them or even date them for that matter.

The summer before junior year Cas finally told Dean that he really wasn't interested in those girls or any girl at all.

Cas had tried to beat around the bush, hoping against hope that his friend wouldn't make him spell it out, but Dean Winchester was never easy and he shouldn't have expected this time to be any different.

"What do you mean you're not into those girls? They're smokin' hot, man" Dean said as he leveled a befuddled look at his friend who seemed to be struggling for breath.

"I just…I don't like them Dean."

"Brunettes not your type? I hear that girl Anna on the cheerleading team has a thing for you. She'd give it up easy."

"Dean, I don't want Anna to 'give it up'" Cas had said, using finger quotes to punctuate the idea.

"Then what _do_ you want Cas?"

"Dean, please don't make me say it" Cas tried. His palms were sweating so hard that he'd already left two streaks on the fronts of his khaki pants.

"Say what Cas? Ya lost me."

"Cas?" Dean questioned when no response seemed forthcoming.

"I'm-I'm gay!" Cas blurted out and subsequently sagged with relief at finally having gotten that off of his chest. He and Dean had had one of the most open friendships, but this was the one hurdle that Cas seemed to never be able to get past. Though, when it became too hard to hide his growing attraction to the male sex-what with Dean pushing him on every available girl who smiled his way-he figured he'd better tell his friend the truth before he found himself in some ridiculously embarrassing situation.

"Oh, that? I knew that already Cas" Dean said with a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders as if it were no big deal. He turned towards his friend who was staring at him in shock and a mix of relief.

"You-you knew? How?"

"I know you from the inside out Cas. We've been friends since we were six" Dean says and Cas can just see the _I'm Dean Winchester and I'm brilliant _look that he gets in his eyes whenever he's right about something. "Oh and I find your copy of _Hung British Lads_ under your bed last year when I was looking for my Earth Science book."

"Oh my god!" Cas screeched at Dean, his face was turning an unsightly red color and his voice reaching a pitch that even dogs could probably hear from miles around.

Dean was nearly doubled over in laughter. He'd known about Cas for far too long, but was waiting for his friend to get up the courage to finally tell him the truth. He owed him that luxury, letting him come out on his own time.

Everything had gone back to normal just as quickly as it had gotten awkward that day and nothing seemed like it would ever change.

* * *

Cas was always too smart for Kansas, destined for greatness and Dean knew it from the moment he'd been able to recite MLK's "I Have a Dream Speech" in front of their entire second grade class without missing a beat.

Cas had had dreams of becoming one of the hardest hitting reporters in journalism. He'd wanted to cover the stories that actually mattered. The stories of mass genocide that were swept under the table because they weren't a supposed priority, or the cases of child abuse in Haiti by people who claimed to be there to lend a helping hand. Dean had known from the beginning that Cas would go on to Dartmouth and leave him in Lawrence, but it didn't really hit home until Cas' acceptance letter came in the mail. He was so excited that Dean couldn't even bring himself to ask Cas to stay with him.

Dean had figured it out then.

He was too in love with Cas to ever stand in the way of him making his mark on the world and no matter how much he'd wanted to kiss Cas stupid by their spot at the lake, he'd held back. No matter how much it'd hurt not to touch, he didn't. He'd never forgive himself for ruining Cas' dreams because he knew that Cas would say yes in a heartbeat if he told him that he loved him and asked him to never leave.

"Aren't you gonna go see Cas off at the airport?" Sam asked.

"Nah, I know he's got so much shit to do right now, don't wanna distract him ya know?"

"Ummm, no I _don't_ know Dean. What the hell is going on with you? Your best friend is practically moving to the other side of the country and you're not even gonna tell him goodbye? Wish him good luck at least?"

"He knows I'm happy for him Sammy."

"Knowing it is a whole lot different than you saying it to him before he leaves the only home he's ever known. Stop being a jerk and go to the damn airport."

"How about you stop being a bitch and let me finish working on baby, ok Sammy?"

Sam threw up in his hands in a universal sign of surrender. "Whatthefuckever Dean. Just…whatever."

Dean couldn't just say that he couldn't go to the airport because telling Cas goodbye would be like cutting off his own leg and shipping it to New Hampshire. He wasn't sure what crazy thing he'd do if he were standing in front of Cas as he boarded that plane. So he'd stayed home and pretended that he had better things to do than see his best friend walk out of his life and into a newer, better one.

The distance hurt Dean more than he ever thought it would. He'd gone to all of their old spots and just sat there on the days where he just wanted to remember. On those days when staying away and trying to pretend that he and Cas were never _Dean and Cas_ were just too much. Cas still called, he wrote Dean emails once a week telling him of all of the people he'd met at Dartmouth, about how the honors program there was a lot harder than he'd ever thought, but that it was nothing he couldn't handle. Dean had relished those emails. Had printed out every single one and kept them in the box of memories that he and Cas had been adding to since the third grade.

Then everything went to hell when Dean went and did the stupid thing he'd been trying to avoid for a whole six months.

Cas was on the phone going on about his English professor who'd had it out for him ever since he'd said that Shakespeare was a hack when Dean had gotten the worst case of verbal diarrhea ever.

He waited until Cas took a breath from his rant to finally just dive in and say the thing that had sat heavy on his tongue for longer than he cared to admit. "Cas, Cas I've gotta tell you something and I'm gonna say it before I lose my nerve and never say it. It's important…I mean you're important to me you know?"

"Yes Dean I know, but wh-" Cas starts to question but Dean cuts him off before Cas' logic starts smacking him in the face.

"You've always been important to me Cas. More than important and somewhere in between your annoying dry humor, those stupid secret smiles, and that ridiculous trench coat that you wear freaking _everywhere,_ I fell in love with you and I didn't come to the airport because I couldn't watch you leave. I couldn't watch you walk away when I just...when I just love you ok?"

Dean's not really sure what he was looking for Cas to say to him. Ok, maybe he does. He was looking for Cas to say that he loved him too, that he'd loved him since before he even knew what the feeling was and for them to live happily ever after. But this was Dean Winchester's life and it most definitely was not a Cinderella story.

"Dean, I, I have a boyfriend."

Those words, together they make no sense. Dean wants desperately to scramble them around and make them be something else, anything else.

"What?" Dean says before his brain can catch up with his mouth to stop the word from spilling out.

"I'm sorry Dean" Cas says to dead air because Dean has forgotten how to function and he's trying hard to figure out how to just _breathe_ and then how to take it all back and say that it was some joke that Jo had thought would be funny.

"No, Cas don't be sorry. I'm happy for you, really I am. Just, umm…I'll talk to you later, yeah?" Dean questions but is obviously not looking for a real answer because he snaps his phone shut so hard that he's sure that the screen is cracked.

Cas calls him back twelve times that night, leaves 6 voicemails, and fifteen texts telling Dean that he was sorry and asking if he would please just answer the phone so that they could talk. Every time his phone would ping, his would beat in his chest like it was fighting to force him to just pick up the damn phone. But there was enough egg on his face to last a lifetime and he really just wanted to forget that the whole thing had ever happened.

He was coping too, really he was. Eventually he had started responding to Cas' emails again with a lighthearted tone that just underneath dared Cas to ever bring it up again. He was smart enough not to though and for a while they were _Dean and Cas _again.

Until the moment that they weren't.

Dean thought that he could be the bigger man in the center of it all. He could listen to his best friend hesitantly start to ease the new guy into conversation like he was easing off a bandage as to not rip the skin. And he did for a while. He gritted his teeth and bore it when he'd email Cas asking what he was doing for him to say that he was headed out to a party, an honest to God _party_, with Andrew or didn't even pitch a fit when Cas had brought the guy home for Spring break to their fucking lake. It was ok one day-or as ok as it was ever gonna be-and then the next Dean had finally had enough. He wasn't the bigger person, never was, never could be and this was most definitely not the situation that would make him want to change.

The frequency with which he responded to Cas' emails had dwindled down to once a month, to not at all and when he called, Dean was too busy with work to get to the phone right then. He could move on as long as Cas wasn't in his life at all, in any way, shape, or form. It was just how it had to be.

Dean would never admit to anyone what had happened to break the two of them up; not to Sam during the countless times he'd asked what had happened or to his mom when she realized that the permanent fixture in their home that was Castiel had all but vanished. But his fingers itched most days-every day really-with the need to just call Cas and see what he was doing or how his classes were going, but he wouldn't. There was no way that he'd appear that desperate, no matter that he really was.

It was the end of an era and Dean felt like an idiot to even think that he could keep Cas. They were the stupid cliché of friends who grow up and grow apart, but the knowledge that they were the rule and not the exception didn't help the gaping hole that was left in the place of where Cas had fit so perfectly.

* * *

So Dean sits and waits for it to be over. Hopes that he'll drink the time away that feels like Cas saying all over again that he found someone else, someone better. And Dean knows that life isn't fair. He knows that he's never been the type of guy to get what he wants, ever. But just this once Dean wishes that he didn't have to lose Cas forever to someone who'd never deserve him nearly as much as he did.


End file.
